So they might have found beagle 2 on mars … er, remind me, what was it?

NAME: Beagle 2. AGE: 12. APPEARANCE: A beautiful intergalactic bin-lid-looking phoenix, rising from the ashes of Mars. BEAGLE 2? THIS SOUNDS FAMILIAR. Cast your mind back to Christmas Day

2003. A Christmas marked by unusually cold weather and a tragic plane crash in West Africa. A day rich with anticipation. A day … OI, TS ELIOT, JUST TELL ME WHAT BEAGLE 2 IS. Oh, fine,

it's the British lander that went missing at Christmas a few years ago, on the day it was supposed to land on Mars. NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS THINKING OF. Then perhaps you were

thinking of the song Beagle 2, recorded by Blur to act as the lander's call sign once it reached the surface of Mars. THAT'S IT! HOW DID IT GO AGAIN? Sort of

"ChuggachuggachuggaCHUGGA ooooooh weeeeeee ooooooh chuggaCHUGGAchugga". A bit like a cut from an unreleased krautrock concept album by the Clangers. Not especially catchy. YES, I

REMEMBER NOW. ANYWAY, WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT BEAGLE 2? Oh, they've probably found it. WHAT? AFTER ALL THESE YEARS? THIS IS HUGE NEWS. It might be huge news. There's a chance that

Nasa's Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter has picked up a sighting of it. JUST A CHANCE? Well, yes. The Orbiter has been incredibly good at finding other Nasa landers scattered across the

surface of Mars in the past, but it's been fruitlessly searching for Beagle 2 for years. WHY HASN'T IT TURNED UP? There is a possibility that neither the parachutes or the airbags

that were meant to guide Beagle safely to Mars deployed correctly, so it could be spread out across a wide area in tiny pieces. Fortunately, the Orbiter's HiRise camera can identify

objects as small as 5cm across. YOU'RE BEING VERY NONCOMMITTAL. We'll know more when Nasa holds a press conference about it on Friday. WILL ANYONE ACTUALLY WATCH THAT? Let's

hope so. It's a particularly British tale, isn't it? One of pluck and spirit. One that just about claws victory from the jaws of defeat. YES, BUT ONLY BECAUSE THE AMERICANS CAME

AND BAILED US OUT. You're not helping. DO SAY: "Another space mystery solved." DON'T SAY: "Can we get Kasabian to soundtrack Beagle 3?"