Depression recovery: while some make progress, others fumble in darkness

What’s it like to have panic attacks: a survivor shares his story I was moving up in the world. As an ambitious young business promoter in the healthcare industry, I had a bright career

ahead of me. I was happily married for eight years and was blessed with two beautiful daughters. But at the age of 32, I suddenly started getting panic attacks. The first time I had the

attack, I was jolted awake in the middle of the night, doused in sweat. There was an ice cold sensation in my chest. An unknown fear overpowered me. My wife, with the help of a neighbour,

took me to a hospital in Gurgaon. The doctors overruled any cardiac or other related problems. But the sensation kept getting worse. My doctor friends asked me to see a psychiatrist.  I was

lucky enough to be educated, have disposable income and time to get help. A young psychiatrist in Gurgaon started my treatment with anti-depressants and counselling. But my friends in the

healthcare industry discouraged me from anti-depressants. They said a headstrong person like me could not be depressed. I had always felt the same. Perhaps I was wrong; they were wrong.

Although what triggered my panic attack remained a mystery, I started feeling better. I thought I had recovered and stopped medication on my own. Over the next few months I changed job and

moved to Ahmedabad. New challenges and more salary kept me busy. Then one night, I again felt the cold sensation in my chest and was sweating profusely. I rushed to a physician. Based on my

history, he advised me to see a psychiatrist. I was back to square one. My new psychiatrist was a renowned one. On an average, he was seeing 100 patients a day. He did not have time for me.

His juniors took my details and prescribed medication, which I disliked. So I changed the doctor. I told him I want to reduce my dependence on medicines. He prescribed me fewer medicines and

advised me to go to a psychotherapist. A psychotherapist is not a doctor, but a trained professional who helps increase an individual’s sense of wellbeing through therapeutic interaction

and counseling. My 50-year-old psychotherapist has a couch. I lie down and share all my fears, feelings, daily experiences and talk for an hour. I feel relaxed and stress-free after the

session. There are days when I would look down from my apartment on the 9th floor and get thoughts of committing suicide and get paralysed. Will I jump from this window? Can I control my

legs? Should I seek help of my wife? The next day I analyse my feelings with my psychotherapist. She listens to me and guides me about the thoughts. I am in a process of re-discovering

myself. She is my main stay these days to fight depression and feel better. Every week I attend three to four sessions with her. Practicing yoga, pranayama and walking gave me some relief

but only psychotherapy has helped me.