My Husband Has Been Cheating for Years. What Do I Do?

Finding out about infidelity can be devastating. But these tips can help you make a level-headed decision about how to move forward. Kiersten Essenpreis Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

This is a tough one. Decades into her marriage, a woman learns that her husband is a serial cheater. Does she stay? Does she leave? Our sexuality experts suggest next steps.

My husband and I have been married for 30 years, and I just found out that he’s cheated on me with multiple women. Granted, our sex life has always been lackluster for both of us. But

seriously? What do I do? How do I move on?

Before you move forward, give yourself time to just be. After a betrayal like this, the first step isn’t about making big decisions but taking care of yourself emotionally, says psychologist

Rachel Needle, co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, a continuing education company in West Palm Beach, Florida, that trains couples and sex therapists around the world.

“It’s OK if you don’t know exactly what to do yet,” Needle says. “Give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling without rushing into action or putting pressure on yourself to have it

all figured out.”

For AARP’s In the Mood column, writer Ellen Uzelac will ask experts your most pressing 50+ sex and relationship questions. Uzelac is the former West Coast bureau chief for The Baltimore Sun.

 She writes frequently on sex, relationships, travel and lifestyle issues.

Do you have a question? Email us at [email protected]

Here are some next steps to consider as you process what’s happened.

Rebuild self-trust. Infidelity often makes people question everything, including their own instincts or worth. Why? Needle says betrayal doesn’t just shatter trust in a partner — it often

fractures trust in ourselves.

She says people often start asking themselves: How did I not see this? Did I miss something? Was it my fault? “These thoughts can lead to deep self-doubt, even when they’re unwarranted,”

Needle says.

Moving forward, she says, includes learning to trust yourself again: “Your voice, your boundaries, your inner knowing.”