I’m So Envious of My Closest Friends, It Hurts

Laura Liedo Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

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I don’t get jealous. I don’t fear losing what I have to others. But I am prone to being overcome with envy — I have a deep, painful longing for the big, beautiful, bonded families my friends

have.

Especially if their children have good sibling relationships. It’s a problem that threatens to consume me.

I don’t think envy is a sin. It gurgles up in my throat involuntarily. But I agree it can be deadly — I can scarcely survive the black-hooded, scythe-wielding feeling I get when triggered by

the familial love of others.

I have friends who drive much nicer, newer cars than me. And I don’t give a hoot. Some of my friends have illustrious careers, at which I don’t bat an eye. Several of my friends are doing

tours of Europe this year and I wholeheartedly wish them a bon voyage.

None of these things reflect my deep-seated desires. They are circumstances that make my friends feel happy and fulfilled, but they don’t move the needle for me.

It’s easy to abide my friends’ lives being on track in ways that don’t highlight how my life feels off the rails. But when they get to enjoy what I crave most, a happy and functional family

dynamic, I struggle.

My parents are divorced. My dad was of the deadbeat variety and wasn’t present in my life. In contrast, my girlfriend’s dad calls her daily for a short but sweet check-in with each other.

Every. Single. Day.